Last week, I posted 7 ways to give a great compliment, in honor of National Compliment Day. (which was this past Saturday) I was SHOCKED by how many of you said you are embarrassed when people compliment you… or that you aren’t really sure how to accept one. WHAT!! That’s insane to me. I think everyone (especially fabulous, adult women) should be able to accept a compliment with grace.
It turns out, many woman have a difficult time accepting praise. Dr. Renee Engeln is a psychology professor at Northwestern University. She says the reason for this has to do with all the different messages women are forced to filter through. Here is a quote she gave in a Today show interview a few years back.
“[We’re
told] love yourself, but not too much. Be confident, but practice a
style of humility this culture never requires of men. Believe in
yourself, but never admit it out loud, lest you make another woman who
doesn’t feel good about herself feel bad,” says Engeln. “If you’re raised
to think it’s arrogant to ever say something positive about yourself, it
makes it hard to accept a compliment.”
I feel like giving a compliment is like giving a gift. When I compliment someone, it hurts my feelings a bit when they deflect it, or put themselves down. By doing those things you are basically rejecting the compliment, and possibly insulting the person who gave it to you. If someone gave you a bracelet, you wouldn’t say “Oh gosh.. this is great.. but my wrist is so chubby.. nice things don’t look good on me…”
If someone compliments you, be appreciative. This person went out of their way to take a moment to acknowledge something about you… be grateful. Maintain eye contact, try not to look down or look away. Next, say THANK YOU!!
Not, “Thank you, but I really had no idea what I was doing.” or
“Thanks, but I think I look horrible.” Just two words.. Thank you. If
you want to get fancy you can add a bit, like, “Thank you, I worked
really hard on that project.” or “Thanks, so kind of you to notice.”
It sounds simple enough, but I understand it can be difficult for some. I suggest complimenting yourself more, or even practicing with family members and friends until you feel comfortable saying those two little words. The more you do it, the more you will get used to it… and you may even finally realize you truly are worth those compliments that people are throwing your way!
And I can’t leave without showing you this hysterically inappropriate video from comedian Amy Schumer on the issue. I need to warn you, this video has really bad language, and a over-the-top ending.. that includes guns, fire, and more. So if you are okay with that.. watch the video. It’s also really darn funny.
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Oh, it's so true and something I'm so guilty of! But a compliment is like a gift, and I need to learn to accept them. Thank you for the reminder!
I hope you are having a great week Bev! I love how you manage to find my new posts before I have even promoted them!! 🙂
I appreciate people giving compliments but I am terrible at receiving them… I always have been.
Its understandable, some people just don't like it… and thats okay too. I was just hoping to give women a bit more confidence to at least try to accept them! 😉
YOU MADE MY DAY WITH THIS VIDEO. I am dying laughing because it's true, this is how women act when our friends compliment us. I AM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS POST! Awesome job, lady.
The girl with the job makes me laugh out loud each time. hahaha
This is so true. I have a hard time accepting compliments. This post inspired me to try accepting them (:
Its not always easy, but that is all I am hoping for… at least try! 😉 Have a fantastic week!
good folo up lady!
Thank you! 😉
I love it when people give me compliments. It always gives a little bump to my step and I always try to give one in return. Great post Lauren!
You sound like me!! I LOVE compliments.. haha I eat them up! 😉
This is so true!! I'm always getting after my husband to accept compliments from me, but I am just as bad (if not worse!), than him! Something I need to work on! I'm definitely going to watch the video-as soon as the kids are out of earshot. Ha!
Yes def not kid approved!! I almost didnt post it, since its not my usual style… but it makes me laugh so much I figured a warning was good enough!
It's so so so true–> we should learn to love ourselves. Thanks for sharing this… its great.
I'll admit I have a hard time with compliments…it's like sometimes maybe we don't think we are "worthy" or in my case I'm so self-critical that I downplay the compliment. ANd you're right sometimes, just say thank you and leave it at that… 🙂
It is really common, more so for women… its not easy for everyone to just say thank you.. and I get that. But just to TRY to remember that someone is just trying to be nice, and they dont mean to make you uneasy! 😉
I agree that all the mixed messages that girls get growing up make it really hard to accept compliments but easy to give them. While many women do the social grace of saying 'thank you' with eye contact, their inner dialogue is often disputing the compliment.
that is true.. maybe if we all just say thank you more often we will start to eventually believe the compliments 😉 have a great week!
I love this! I agree that it's hard for women to accept someone praising them. It wasn't always easy for me, but now I try to just say "thank you"! Thanks for the great post. I think all women should read this 🙂
Thank you! I was hoping I didnt sound too harsh, since I know its not easy for everyone to take a compliment… but I just want women to TRY, since we are worth it!!
I agree with you here: "when someone compliments you, be appreciative." I love compliments and collect them like a hoarder…sometimes I like compliments a little too much and worry a Regina George will come back and say, "so you agree…you think you're really pretty." Oh well.
hahaha I love that part, I almost included a meme of it in this post!!! I am a compliment hoarder too! 😉
Did my comment go through? Sorry if this is twice! Yes! I deflect compliments…I think I do it to try to be humble or ego-less…but I will try not to next time! I wouldn't be insulted though if someone deflected my compliment…we are all in different places in our self acceptance.
I know its not easy for everyone… but maybe if women just tried to accept them a bit more often.. they would begin to realize they truly are worth the compliments being given to them! (a fake it til you make it mentality!!)
It is hard to accept a compliment and not deflect it. I think we do receive mixed messages on not wanting to seem conceited, etc. I'm going to try and keep your thoughts in mind for the next time I receive a compliment! Visiting you from the Blogger's Digest.
Yes, I can def see both sides… Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment!
I am a major compliment deflector! I don't even know why it's so hard to accept compliments, but it is! Next time someone compliments me I am just going to say thank you and leave it at that!
So you are the opposite of me.. I am a def compliment HOARDER! haha! Hope you are having a great weekend!
Good read. Thanks for helping me realize I may do this. Never really thought about it like I was rejecting the compliment.
That's all I can hope for.. if I can change one compliment deflector.. then I have done my job! ha! 😉 Have a great weekend!
That video was hysterical!!! Just what I needed this afternoon! Compliments sometimes make me feel odd and I know that they totally shouldn't! I think it's a personal issue, maybe something you're struggling with deep down. Self image, etc. Great post though! I'm going to share this!
I think so too, many people I know have come up to me after this and said "It's not as easy as you make it sound." which I am starting to understand now. I love compliments.. which is not the norm apparently! haha!
Thank you for sharing this! I'm usually terrible at accepting compliments but the thought crossed my mind a while back on how insulting it can be to "reject" what someone says. So, I simply say thank you. I must say, it still feels awkward but it will get easier with practice.
Thanks for sharing and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop.
Wishing you a lovely day.
xoxo
I loved your Amy Schumer disclaimer ? that sketch/skit/whatever is too perfect.
Such an interesting topic. And so true. It's a shame really. I think society as a whole kind of pushes us in this direction. Confidence is beautiful. And confident women can accept compliments very well!
Hope you have a lovely weekend.
V
Life+1
When I first came to the USA I realized that in order for me to be successful I had to make eye contact. In England we stay in our BUBBLE and we don't stare…. You guys stare!!!! I stare now, but when I go home I avert my eyes… We all do in England.
As for accepting a compliment, heck yes…. If you took the time to come up with one, we will say thank you graciously 🙂 It's manners….. It has hurt my feelings on more that one occasion when it is solved to one side, like yesterdays laundry…… Enjoy the compliment 🙂 I love your blog 🙂
So true! I used to deflect comments but have learned to say thank you and appreciate those who do compliment me.
All very good points. As with many things, I've found that receiving compliments has gotten easier for me with age. I no longer deflect or downplay and I say thank you. Though, it does make me uncomfortable internally a bit because I never want to seem pompous, so that part is still there. That woman from the Today Show is spot on.
A few days ago a hostess at a restaurant (who was my mom's age) kept calling me cute. Yes, I am petite, but typically I don't like to think of my 32 year old, mother of two, assistant principal as "cute." I don't know why I had such a hard time accepting the compliment when the woman was clearly just being very nice. Thankfully we had a nice chat about how she hated being tall and how I hate being short. But so strange that I got so weirded out by a nice complement from a stranger!
Amanda
http://www.queenofthelandoftwigsnberries.com
What a great post!! In today's world, you're always looking at the negative, it seems. I just heard about the McDonalds campaign of showing love to get your meal…that's a great thing. We all need to be more positive and give thanks to God daily for who we are! 🙂
I am kinda awful about accepting compliments about myself. For my kids? Sure! I beam and smile and accept graciously. I'm very awkward when it comes to myself, tohugh.
I totally want to watch the video, but my kiddos are in the room doing their spelling sentences. I am getting MUCH better at accepting compliments, my husband pointed out how horrible I was at it, and how it bothered him. So now I say… Thank You. Okay, sometimes I say, "Really, thanks!" 😀
Thank you, for sharing such a wonderful post with us at Mommy Monday!
XOXO
My hubby always compliments me and it used to make me feel so uncomfortable but I have gotten a lot better at accepting his compliments (and others too). Thanks for the tips and for linking up to the Bloggers Brags Pinterest Party. I have pinned to the Bloggers Brags Board.
This is so true. I am definitely the type who feels completely awkward but I usually manage to cover it and mutter a quick thank you…thanks for the tips on how to make it less awkward 😀