Last week, I posted 7 ways to give a great compliment, in honor of National Compliment Day. (which was this past Saturday) I was SHOCKED by how many of you said you are embarrassed when people compliment you… or that you aren’t really sure how to accept one. WHAT!! That’s insane to me. I think everyone (especially fabulous, adult women) should be able to accept a compliment with grace.
It turns out, many woman have a difficult time accepting praise. Dr. Renee Engeln is a psychology professor at Northwestern University. She says the reason for this has to do with all the different messages women are forced to filter through. Here is a quote she gave in a Today show interview a few years back.
told] love yourself, but not too much. Be confident, but practice a
style of humility this culture never requires of men. Believe in
yourself, but never admit it out loud, lest you make another woman who
doesn’t feel good about herself feel bad,” says Engeln. “If you’re raised
to think it’s arrogant to ever say something positive about yourself, it
makes it hard to accept a compliment.”
I feel like giving a compliment is like giving a gift. When I compliment someone, it hurts my feelings a bit when they deflect it, or put themselves down. By doing those things you are basically rejecting the compliment, and possibly insulting the person who gave it to you. If someone gave you a bracelet, you wouldn’t say “Oh gosh.. this is great.. but my wrist is so chubby.. nice things don’t look good on me…”
If someone compliments you, be appreciative. This person went out of their way to take a moment to acknowledge something about you… be grateful. Maintain eye contact, try not to look down or look away. Next, say THANK YOU!!
Not, “Thank you, but I really had no idea what I was doing.” or
“Thanks, but I think I look horrible.” Just two words.. Thank you. If
you want to get fancy you can add a bit, like, “Thank you, I worked
really hard on that project.” or “Thanks, so kind of you to notice.”
It sounds simple enough, but I understand it can be difficult for some. I suggest complimenting yourself more, or even practicing with family members and friends until you feel comfortable saying those two little words. The more you do it, the more you will get used to it… and you may even finally realize you truly are worth those compliments that people are throwing your way!
And I can’t leave without showing you this hysterically inappropriate video from comedian Amy Schumer on the issue. I need to warn you, this video has really bad language, and a over-the-top ending.. that includes guns, fire, and more. So if you are okay with that.. watch the video. It’s also really darn funny.
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