A few weeks ago, my son said something to me that was a major wake-up call. We were running late, again. My daughter decided she needed to change her outfit right before we walked out of the door, again. I took a deep breath and reminded myself she was only 3. What’s 5 more minutes? Breathe in. Breathe out. Then she walked out of her bedroom with her latest fashion choice and walked into her playroom. “Mila, what are you doing?” “I just need to grab a few things for the car, mommy.” That was it. I lost it.
“NO TOYS! WE HAVE TO GO! EVERYONE GET INTO THE CAR NOW!”
She started crying and wailed all the way to the garage. As my son walked by me he said, “Maybe if you would talk to her a little nicer and not yell she would listen better.” Ouch. I opened my mouth to tell my son that I HAD asked her nicely… about 27 times. But I stopped. I immediately realized he had a point. I re-reminded myself that she was only 3. She doesn’t move at the same pace as I do. She shouldn’t have to. I took the kids to school, apologies were said and received, goodbye hugs and kisses given. They loved me, no matter what.
I felt sick on the ride to work that morning. I realized I have been losing my cool with my kids more often than I cared to admit lately. The past few months have been tough. My husband had a unexpected, emergency eye surgery that he is still recovering from, my grandmother is in the hospital, there have been a number of family issues and a lot of big projects at work. I usually handle stress pretty well, but recently there has been too much happening all at once. But I am an adult. These are grown-up issues that should not spill down to my children. I decided I could change. I was going to stop stress-parenting. These tips have been helping me keep my cool with my kids, no matter how stressed out I feel.
How to be a happy mom when you are stressed out:
1. Let it go. This is a big one. I am constantly having to remind myself that they are only kids. My daughter wears crazy outfits to daycare. It may not be the most practical decision but it is a small part of the big picture. I may have to ask my son 3 times to brush his teeth since he is preoccupied with legos. That means he may go to bed 5 minutes later. No big deal. Let. It. Go. (considering the amount of times I have heard this song in the past 2 years, I should really have this technique down by now)
2. Give yourself an extra 15 minutes. My kids are professional out the door delayers. If we have to be out the door no later than 7:40… I tell the kids it’s time to leave around 7:25. This gives them time to grab different socks, find toys, use the bathroom… just a small sampling of the last minute kid excuses that drive me crazy. Now I don’t have to yell since I have plenty of time. It has made our mornings run so much more smoothly.
3. Get more sleep. This is a tough one. I like to stay up late since it is the only time I get to myself or with my husband. But more sleep means I feel less stressed. So I have been making a serious effort to stop what I am doing and go to bed early and it makes a difference.
4. Ask for help. When I am feeling really overwhelmed, I simply tell my husband. And guess what happens? He will take the kids to the park, or get them both ready for bed even if it is ‘my turn,’ or he will simply ask how he can help. Your husband, family and friends are not mind readers. But they do love you and if you ask for help they are usually happy to oblige. Don’t wait for them to offer, since they might not realize how stressed you are, or they might be afraid to talk to you, since you have been acting like a stressed out psycho.
5. Break the rules. I have been letting my kids stay up late occasionally, so I can read them as many books as they want. I let my son skip Saturday morning karate so we could snuggle and watch TV on the couch. One morning, when we ALL woke up really late I announced, “You are always on time for school, but we all woke up really late. It happens. We will get ready like we normally do and I will take you in through the front office with an excused tardy.” We got there 20 minutes late. If it means less stress for everyone involved, I am all for it. The best part about being a parent is that you are a rule maker, but you can also decide when to be the rule breaker.
6. Have some fun. Cancel your plans one Saturday and do something fun with just your family. My husband and I are very lucky to live where we grew up and love that we have lots of friends and family nearby. However, that also means there is always something to do. Birthdays, dinners, BBQ’s, play dates… life books up fast. When you are feeling overwhelmed, cancel some commitments and do what YOU want to do. For me, there is nothing more relaxing than hanging out in the pool all day with the fam. Bond, be present and enjoy that time together.
I’m not perfect… I still yell and make parenting mistakes. But the first step toward change is awareness and I am definitely more aware of how stress can affect my parenting, thanks to one comment from my sweet son.
Thanks for reading and if you want more real mom life moments, be sure to follow me on Facebook! 🙂
Your points are so true! It’s easy to think we always have to juggle things but we are only human:)
I know, I dont remember my mom ever losing it.. maybe once? I hope that means my kids will only remember the good parts! 😉
These are all fantastic tips. I think #1 is so key and something I’ve learned to embrace the older I get. I’m sharing this on my Facebook page. 🙂
thank you for sharing.. and number 1 is one that I am always working on as well..
Allowing more time and letting it go have been huge for me these last couple of weeks. I have had a lot of work dumped on my plate which means I’m getting less time with the kids and instead of enjoying the time I do have with them I’ve been wasting it stressed. So I have had to let things go. Oatmeal all over the place and kids refusing to wear clothes inside the house? Whatever. It can get cleaned and I don’t blame them for being naked. We are all much happier, especially the nude babies.
the extra time thing has helped so much!! Since usually that is when I lose it, esp when it means I am going to be late for the millionth time!
With the Mr. Working a different schedule and not being home, my patience is depleted. I have had an awful past two weeks and felt like an awful mother. I am definitely going to work on it.
We are only human, I have to constantly work on keeping my cool these days! You are not alone, trust me!
I am SO guilty of flying off the handle quickly and then feeling shitty about it. I do it with my kids but it’s just a horrible habit I have and meno has made it worse. These are good reminders to chill out and calm down – and that extra 15 minutes is such good advice, Lauren.
The extra time has helped me so much… most of my breakdowns happen when I am late for work! ha!
You are so right! I also find it really difficult to stay calm in some situations but need to take a deep breath, remember my little guy is only 5 and if we’re late so be it. More important is how they feel and how you feel. I’m working on letting a lot of the little things go. Sharing on Facebook!
Thank you for sharing! I have really been working on this.. it is still hard though. I feel like I need a patience bracelet or something! ha!
Great tips! I don’t have little ones any more but, have been there. I always set my clocks ahead by 15 min. too. That way when we left, we were always early! But, they thought we were leaving just on time. I also had them pick out their outfits the night before, which reduced the amount of wanting to change things in the morning. Have a great Memorial Day weekend!
You are so smart.. I wish I would have thought of it sooner since it has made things run so much more smoothly!
Thank you for this. Always nice to have a reminder. Self care is so important, something I have not been great with. I need to take more 15 minutes breaks to myself. Love all of these tips!
I am glad it helped.! Have a wonderful week!
Great tips and great post. I’ve had these “aha” moments when something my young daughter says just makes me stop and think.
It knocked the wind out of me, to realize he was watching what I was doing… even though it didnt even involve him. Ugh. Still makes me sad to think about it,
I really needed to read this. We are in the process of trying to sell and buy and neither is going as smoothly as we hoped. In the midst of all that stress I realized my 18 month old daughter has been so much more difficult lately and it hit me that I think she is mirroring my anxiety. These are some great tips for chilling out a bit!
It sounds like you have a lot going on, so the stress is understandable! I hope you are settled into your new home soon and that we all feel less stressed in the near future! 😉
You are so right! When mom’s are stressed it does effect our moods. I’ve been there. My favorite advice is to let it go. It seems simple enough however can be tough to follow through with. Letting go can really remove a lot of stress. Great read!!!
I have to remind myself all the time! I am constantly chanting in my head, “Let it go.. its not a big deal, dont freak out” haha
It sounds like you have a very full plate right now and I just want to give you a big hug. You’re an amazing mom and your family is lucky to have you.
I will accept that virtual hug from you! xoxo I appreciate your sweet words Lisa!!
I’m in a stressful space now…these tips are much needed!
maybe our stress will go away soon? Lets hope so!! 😉
Very poignant post! Sometimes we adults can forget that our children aren’t mini-adults: they’re children. Just children. Who are learning and growing through their childhood years, every day. I wish you have a brighter day tomorrow! xoxoxo
Thank you so much! I am def a parent in progress… and I am always trying to be better and more patient! 😉 Have a wonderful week!
Isn’t it funny how a random statement from our kids can influence such a big change in life! I tend to get a short fuse with my son a lot. I swear he is at that age where he is testing his boundaries hourly. I love your tips. I need to try to make some adjustments at home too.
Right? It was just how he said it, I think. Ugh it still makes my stomach hurt when I think about it.
This is such a wonderful post. I don’t want to admit it, but I have seriously been acting like a stressed-out psycho lately. I have even found myself, quite often, getting angry at my husband because he’s NOT a mind reader. Sometimes, you just need to ask for help. Like you said, he’s always there if you just ask.
This is definitely something I need to keep in mind. Thank you so much for sharing <3
It happens to the best of us.. I dont know why it is hard for moms to ask for help.. but I have been working on it. 😉 I hope you are having a wonderful (stress free) week! 😉
I can totally relate to this post! My kids are 2 and 3 and take sooooo loooong to get out the door and then even longer to get in the car and buckled. Thanks for the tips
the extra time has made a huge difference for us. Have a wonderful week!
I’ve done this too. We all have our breaking point, especially after 3 outfit changes, 4 different pairs of shoes (which I have to help put on) a trip to the bathroom and picking out snacks for while we are gone. I really have to remind myself to just get the kids moving earlier next time and to keep reminding them that we have to get there on time!
Yes! SO many outfit changes! I cant take it!
I really need to read this! Thank you so very much!
thanks for stopping by! 😉
I’m obsessed with this post. Great reminders.
Thank you! 🙂
This is so good! I’m always so humbled when my boys teach me lessons like this. I feel like I have learned more since becoming a mother than I had before they were born.
I have learned so much since having my kids, they really do make me a better person every day!
Great post. I’ve been snapping a lot lately too. Reminding yourself that they are only kids really helps, and I need to do that more often. I’ve also been trying to be more mindful of really listening to them, instead of just hearing them. Slowing down and breathing is great advice too.
well you are on the whole 30 right now, so you totally have an excuse! 😉
I needed to read this in preparation for the summer hours. #3 is the one I struggle with most, but have found that works the best.
right? I am seriously a crazy person when I go without sleep for too long!
Hi there,
All the way from Australia! I have just stumbled across your blog, and I must say that I am loving it! Although you are so far away, I find the challenges you face so similar to my own. Thank you for this particular blog. It really hit home.
Keep up the super blog!
How cool is that?! I always wanted to go to Australia! Thank you for your kind words, you made my day!
Such great reminders. You are a Mom… not a super hero. You need help or a break or a moment or two of silence. I love that you realize were you needed help and what could be done to achieve a more happy Mommyhood.
It is not always easy.. but I am def working on it! 😉
A similar thing happened recently with my son. I had put his sneakers on for school (They have gym Monday, Wednesday and Friday) but he wanted to wear his cowboy boots. We went around about it all morning until I finally lost it and yelled at him. His eyes filled with tears. I’m trying to learn to essentially “pick my battles,” learning what is worth fighting about and what really isn’t. What’s a lesson to learn, and what isn’t.
It is so hard! I am always working on keeping my cool.. they really know how to push those buttons, right?
Love these tips! It’s so easy to get stressed out quickly with a toddler over here, but I always have such guilt if I yell! LOVE this!
I know, I felt horrible for the entire day after it happened, I still feel bad when I think about my sons words!
Wow, this post is perfect for me and so many other moms I know! And so timely. My husband and I were just discussing these ideas yesterday! It’s so easy to get caught up in being the perfect parent, and when you try so hard, you sometimes forget to enjoy parenthood. We have to let some things slide… and I truly believe that, in letting things slide, you are actually MORE perfect than if you cling super tightly to the ideals you’ve set for yourself and your family. Thank you for this!
Yes! Being a parent is HARD! I am always a work in progress! Thanks for stopping by!
I have been working on number 4 so hard this year. I used to think asking for help would make it look like I didn’t have things under control. Then I realized – who has things under control all the time? No one! I also thought people wouldn’t want to help, but they do. Everyone likes to feel like they made someone else’s day better. So I ask for help when needed and give help when I can and I am much happier.
It is so hard to ask for help! I dont know why… it must be a mom thing! 😉 Thanks for stopping by and have a wonderful week!
I need these tips! Especially the “let it go” is not my strongest point… So guilty of losing my cool sometimes when in a hurry or in stress.
That is the hardest one for me as well.. I am always working on it! 😉
Great ideas! I was so impatient before having kids, and I still am, but I have to say parenthood is the best way to work on that skill.
I always am working on being more patient! It just does NOT come naturally!
I needed to read this. Each of these things I’ve struggled tremendously with… and I keep sweating the small stuff so much. I loved the way you related the story with your son in the garage. It’s a struggle to ask 28 times nicely. But I think I will remember his words. Thank you.
It is so hard, but hearing him say that.. when I wasnt even talking to him.. it was such a tough moment for me. Ugh. Parenting is so hard, but I am a work in progress and all I can do is try to be better! 🙂
loved this post! so sweet and there are so many good reminders here. i, too, lose my cool with my kids more often than i’d like. will remember these things next time!
It is so hard to stay calm sometimes! I hope you are having a wonderful (stress-free) week 🙂
Love this post! It is a good reminder for me as a mom!
Have a great week and thanks for stopping by!
Great post! Things happen and sometimes it’s hard to feel like a happy mom but our kids still need us. These are good tips to stay happy.
yes I am working on getting better at being patient every day! Have a wonderful week!
I always have a hard time keeping my head on straight when I’m stressed, especially when I’m trying to leave the house and get everyone in the car. Great tips, I know I will use them!
I know– great tips. Just breathing & giving myself another 15 mins would be good
trust me. we all turn into a MOMster sometimes!
We’ve all been there! Crazy how we think our kids don’t notice but they totally do. My big boy has given me a few wake-up calls and I’m so much better because of it. Fantastic tips! Letting go has made such a big difference for me. Still hard sometimes but I try really hard. And the going to sleep early, agreed! It helps so much. Just wish I was much better at it. lol
“Give yourself an extra 15 minutes”, in the bathroom with warm water and music.
That’s the way make me feel better.
Great advice!
I love this Lauren <3 it certainly happens to ALL of us!!
Geat tips. I really needed this read. I get frustrated often because my 4 year old as advanced as she is she still does silly things. And it’s not till it’s too late that I realize; she’s just a kid.
I love this! I am a new mom and sometimes feel overwhelmed. Thanks so much for this fabulous read!
Excellent remind to all us mum’s As a mum of 9 months myself I am trying every day to encompass this things into my new life, but its so easy to forget when you are busy and stressed. Thanks so much for making me I am not alone! 🙂
Thank you so so much! These are all the re-reminders that I’ve been needing as of late. I feel like I’d never been much of a yeller until recently and there have been a few days that I was an absolute ogre to my kids, especially the 3 year old (#4 of 5). Each of your suggestions are spot on, and being the visual learner that I am, having than printed out in front of me was perfect. Thank you for sharing!
I am so glad you found them helpful Charisa!! I still yell more than I would like… but it is HARD sometimes! 😉 I hope you have a wonderful week!!
Thank you for this post. I have been feeling extreme stress in my life and have noticed that I have been unintentionally taking it out on my poor, sweet 4 year old. By yelling, being impatient, not giving him enough attention and just plain being short-tempered. I absolutely love him with every part of my body! I don’t want him to remember having an angry, stressed, sad Mom when he’s older. I really want to make a change but it’s very difficult.. easier said than done. I wrote these steps down in my phone and plan to pull them out anytime I get that upset feeling in my gut when he’s really just being a kid. He deserves the best Mom, both my boys do, and I’m going to work my ass off to give that to him.
Thank you
We are just doing our very best… and we are only human! It is normal to get stressed out and yell. Trust me, I am far from perfect… this post was really like a “goal” list for me! ha! I still yell like a crazy person sometimes! 😉
Awesome tips…I love talking about stress and how we are able to work through it so it doesn’t get the best of us! Thanks for sharing mama 🙂
Great post! This sounds like every morning in my house- both kids and hubby are ditherers. My daughter (4y.o) sometimes tells me to take a deep breath which is humbling, but also reminds me that for all my faults I must do something right because she says it kindly:)
Oh wow. That hit a nerve for sure. I have had those moments – most parents have! – and it just never feels good. Thank you for the reminders, I really enjoyed this article and will be sharing it with my fellow stressed out mammas.
This is all too familiar and on point to our mornings. Your tips are perfect timing! I have had this conversation with myself recently, trying to figure out how I can remain calm. My son has a way of making me lose it. He is so smart that I forget he is only 5. I expect too much from him at times.
Thanks!
it is so easy to get overwhelmed when we are rushed and usually exhausted as well! When I wake up I try to say a little mantra that I am going to do my very best to be a calm and patient mom today… I would say it has a 50/50 success rate! 😉 ha!