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10 Things I’ve Learned In My 10 Years Of Marriage

               

 

Today is my 10th wedding anniversary! I cannot believe how fast 10 years of marriage have flown by! I love gushing about my sweet hubby, so most of you probably know we met at FSU… when I was just 19 years old and he was 23. (I thought he was so OLD! HA!) We celebrated by spending a weekend away just the two of us. NO KIDS! I am so grateful that they had an amazing weekend as well thanks to their awesome Grandma & Papa!

Where it all started!
Marriage is not easy, and I am in no way an expert on being married or having a good relationship, but here are 10 things I have learned in my 10 years of marriage that may or may not help others.

1. People don’t change. Now don’t get me wrong, very few people stay exactly the same… we grow older, some of us get wiser, we may advance in our careers, etc. However, I believe that the true ‘foundation’ of a person doesn’t change. So when you get married, make sure you like the person you are marrying at THAT VERY MOMENT. Don’t marry them because you hope once you get married they will become more motivated, or become a neater person, or suddenly become more patient. While it is very possible those changes MAY happen, there is a better chance they won’t. Donnie is basically the exact same man I dated all those years ago. He has the same characteristics and personality that made me fall in love with him… and that occasionally drive me crazy. The same goes for me. Donnie is a neat freak and I will ALWAYS be a messy person. No matter how hard I try those shoes cannot make it back into my closet. (I swear, I don’t mean to leave them where he will trip… but he runs right into them!) But these are things we knew about each other before we got married, and we knew that if neither of us ever got rid of those annoying habits… that we would be okay with it.

                          

2. Speak to each other nicely. Too often I am shocked by the way I hear married couples talk to each other. Most people speak to strangers nicer than they talk to their spouses. No matter how grumpy you are, or how little sleep you got, or how stressed you are… try not to take it out on your spouse.

3. Don’t forget you are on the same team. Don’t ‘keep score’ in your marriage. Try to remember you are on the same team. So if you are keeping a mental note in your head of how many times you have cleaned the bathrooms or emptied the dishwasher, just stop. If you feel like you are doing more of something, talk to your spouse about it. Maybe they didn’t realize, or maybe they have been picking up the slack in other areas that you just haven’t noticed.

                           

4. Fight Fair. All couples argue. But I think it’s HOW you fight that makes the difference. Try to argue respectfully. Don’t hit below the belt or say things you can’t take back. Try to see your spouse’s side of things. This kind of goes back to the ‘same team’ thing. Donnie and I have been together long enough that now when we argue we just want it to be over. We don’t attack each other… we just look for a solution to the problem. Kind of like you feel annoyed by this, I feel annoyed by this… what can we do to stop being annoyed?

I think this was 99’… and yes… I am wearing khaki overalls.
5. Give each other space. I grew up as an only child, so I have always needed my own alone time. My husband knew this while we were dating and that didn’t change because we were married. (because people don’t change, remember?) I still need a day to myself every once in awhile and my husband needs the same. Make sure you spend time with friends, together and separately. I don’t give my husband a hard time if he wants to go out with his friends, or spend a day playing golf. I wouldn’t want him to give me crap if I went out for a girls dinner or went to the mall for a few hours.
                          

6. Kids change things. Donnie and I were together for a long time before we had kids. So when we decided to expand our family, it was a big change. Our time was no longer our own, our sleep schedules were determined by our sweet baby boy, who also happened to hate sleeping. Our weekend afternoon naps on the couch and random lunches and dinners out went away. We got used to it… but it took time, and patience with each other. Some couples have kids and carry on just like before, but for us it was a major change.. and I think too few people talk about how hard that adjustment period can be on a marriage. You may even kind of hate each other for a bit. But it passes. Promise.

                          

7. It pays to be thoughtful. Do nice things for your spouse. For no reason. For example, Donnie leaves for work pretty early, but he always makes me coffee. (even though he doesn’t drink hot coffee) So after he gives me a kiss goodbye, I wake up to get the kids ready and find a fresh pot of hot coffee just waiting for me. I think it is the sweetest thing. I try to text him nice things during the day, just so he knows that I am thinking about him and appreciate him. It’s not a huge gesture, but it works.

8. Sex is Important. I am not going to go into details here, but if you want a happy marriage you need to be having sex. Like… way more than you probably think you should be having. Men (most men) need sex. It is what makes them feel connected to you and secure in your relationship. Imagine if your husband never told you that you looked pretty, or always said he was too tired to give you a hug and kiss goodbye… well, that’s kind of how it feels to them when they don’t get any lovin’. I believe that sex is a big part of how couples stay connected. I could be wrong. Like I said before I am no expert… but give your hubs some love. And see what happens. 😉

                                      

9. Don’t forget to ‘check-in.’ Life is busy and crazy and sometimes you need to take a moment to really ‘check in’ with each other. I don’t mean talk about how you day is, I mean discuss how your LIFE is. Every few months, my husband and I will take a evening to ‘check in.’ We talk about our jobs, the kids, our finances, and our goals for the future. What are his future aspirations? What are mine? Where do we want to be in a year? What are we currently unhappy with and what can we do to change it? You need to remember to check in with each other to make sure you are on the same page with your family and your goals, and then you can work together to attain them.

10. Be thankful for your spouse. Remember this is the person you chose above ALL others to spend your life with! If you decided to have kids, this is the person you decided to have them with. The goal is to share your entire life with this one special person! That’s huge! Marriage is an amazing and beautiful thing. Make it a priority.

Happy Anniversary, my love!!

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Comments

  2. Loved reading this and seeing all the pictures. We just hit 5 years and yes, I have definitely learned a lot. We need to work on speaking to each other nicely. We snipe on each other in public sometimes and onlookers would probably think we have a crappy marriage.

    Reply

  9. Great, well written post. Many seemed to have commented on #8, but I personally found #s 2, 5, and 9 very insightful. How we communicate matters, but we must also understand that our significant other isn't inside our head. Considering #5, I don't understand why some of my friends distanced themselves from me after they got married. To me, seems like friendship is always going to be important.

    Reply

    • Thank you, Brandon! Its crazy how many of my husband's guys friends rarely hang out anymore because their wife wont let them! It is so strange! I hope you are having a wonderful week and thank you for taking the time to comment! 🙂

      Reply

  11. Ahhh absolutely amazing photos and 10 years together WOW! fantastic. Thank you for all the wisdom and advice. I am only at 7 years but I can agree on all of these to keep it going happy and fiery! Thanks for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme

    Reply

  16. You guys are so cute! Happy Anniversary! Really great post, lots of things I gotta work on.. after baby that "sex" thing isn't happening quite as often as I know it should. Thanks for being so candid.

    Reply

    • Finding time for sex once kids come around is really tough, I know it! (but it is SOOOO important!!) Have a great week and thanks for stopping by!!! 😉

      Reply

  17. Happy Anniversary!! Such great advice! My husband and I just celebrated 10 years in August and you are right on for everything! It is crazy the way some people treat their spouses!! Be nice to each other! And man, how babies change things!! We were married for 7 years until our daughter was born and yes, there were some days we didn't want to be around each other. I'm glad you guys got to go away for the weekend!!

    Reply

  21. Happy Anniversary and wow… this is just a really great post!! I would have to say each and every one of these is SO important!!! And #8 made me smile, but I agree it is true! LOL! I think #6 is very true, too… great post! I am going to pin this for a reminder to look at every so often!

    Reply

  23. Happy Anniversary to you both! I will celebrate my 22nd next month and I can say from experience that this list is full of wonderful advice. They are all excellent tips, but #1 and #10 are my favorites. And you're right, sex is more important to our men than we realize.

    Reply

  27. Great post! I think the best advice I've ever gotten was from my husband's friend just before we adopted our (1-year-old) daughter: Be nice to each other. Remembering those words and taking a deep breath helped get us both through a challenging first yearI also tend to forget how important #8 is to our marriage…
    Thanks for sharing! Found you through the SHINE blog hop.
    Amber at OurCharmedLife.net

    Reply

  29. Happy Anniversary! All great lessons to share! #8 is so true! I've been wanting to write a post on the importance of sex in marriage, but hesitate because my parents & in-laws read my blog!

    Reply

  30. Happy belated anniversary!

    I love ALL your tips! Fabulous.

    I too, don't get it when people talk disrespectfully with their spouses (or when they complain about their spouse on social media). Ouch. That can REALLY harm a relationship.

    Thanks for sharing (and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop).

    Wishing you a lovely day.
    xoxo

    Reply

  33. Happy Anniversary! We need to celebrate marriage milestones together, don't you think? I have been married to my bestfriend for over 25 years now. (I cannot believe how old that makes me sound, but in assure you I am still a young woman:)). Your list is spot on!

    Reply

  36. This is a great post! It was encouraging to read, and I agree with all of it! Congrats on your 10 years–it's been 15 for us! Thanks for linking up to the Bloggers Brags Pinterest Party! I’ve pinned your post to the Bloggers Brags Pinterest Board.

    Reply

  37. Sending you a belated congrats. I just discovered your blog and am impressed by your writing and intuition. As another working mom, I know that at the end of the day sometimes sex is the last thing on your mind . . . but it's important to them and your relationship.

    Looking forward to reading more from you!

    Reply

  38. #6 is a big YES from me! My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for 4 and the baby is now 2. My stepson is 18, and we had gotten used to dates on the fly or even taking off on a vacation on a whim. Now that's an issue. What you have to remember is that this time with your child is only a moment. It will be gone before you know it.

    The lack of sleep though, that's a HUGE issue for me. I AM NOT a morning person and my son is up at 7/7:30 every.single.morning. He hasn't gotten the memo yet that adults like to sleep in every so often.

    Reply

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