Today is my 10th wedding anniversary! I cannot believe how fast 10 years of marriage have flown by! I love gushing about my sweet hubby, so most of you probably know we met at FSU… when I was just 19 years old and he was 23. (I thought he was so OLD! HA!) We celebrated by spending a weekend away just the two of us. NO KIDS! I am so grateful that they had an amazing weekend as well thanks to their awesome Grandma & Papa!
|Where it all started!|
1. People don’t change. Now don’t get me wrong, very few people stay exactly the same… we grow older, some of us get wiser, we may advance in our careers, etc. However, I believe that the true ‘foundation’ of a person doesn’t change. So when you get married, make sure you like the person you are marrying at THAT VERY MOMENT. Don’t marry them because you hope once you get married they will become more motivated, or become a neater person, or suddenly become more patient. While it is very possible those changes MAY happen, there is a better chance they won’t. Donnie is basically the exact same man I dated all those years ago. He has the same characteristics and personality that made me fall in love with him… and that occasionally drive me crazy. The same goes for me. Donnie is a neat freak and I will ALWAYS be a messy person. No matter how hard I try those shoes cannot make it back into my closet. (I swear, I don’t mean to leave them where he will trip… but he runs right into them!) But these are things we knew about each other before we got married, and we knew that if neither of us ever got rid of those annoying habits… that we would be okay with it.
2. Speak to each other nicely. Too often I am shocked by the way I hear married couples talk to each other. Most people speak to strangers nicer than they talk to their spouses. No matter how grumpy you are, or how little sleep you got, or how stressed you are… try not to take it out on your spouse.
3. Don’t forget you are on the same team. Don’t ‘keep score’ in your marriage. Try to remember you are on the same team. So if you are keeping a mental note in your head of how many times you have cleaned the bathrooms or emptied the dishwasher, just stop. If you feel like you are doing more of something, talk to your spouse about it. Maybe they didn’t realize, or maybe they have been picking up the slack in other areas that you just haven’t noticed.
4. Fight Fair. All couples argue. But I think it’s HOW you fight that makes the difference. Try to argue respectfully. Don’t hit below the belt or say things you can’t take back. Try to see your spouse’s side of things. This kind of goes back to the ‘same team’ thing. Donnie and I have been together long enough that now when we argue we just want it to be over. We don’t attack each other… we just look for a solution to the problem. Kind of like you feel annoyed by this, I feel annoyed by this… what can we do to stop being annoyed?
|I think this was 99’… and yes… I am wearing khaki overalls.|
6. Kids change things. Donnie and I were together for a long time before we had kids. So when we decided to expand our family, it was a big change. Our time was no longer our own, our sleep schedules were determined by our sweet baby boy, who also happened to hate sleeping. Our weekend afternoon naps on the couch and random lunches and dinners out went away. We got used to it… but it took time, and patience with each other. Some couples have kids and carry on just like before, but for us it was a major change.. and I think too few people talk about how hard that adjustment period can be on a marriage. You may even kind of hate each other for a bit. But it passes. Promise.
7. It pays to be thoughtful. Do nice things for your spouse. For no reason. For example, Donnie leaves for work pretty early, but he always makes me coffee. (even though he doesn’t drink hot coffee) So after he gives me a kiss goodbye, I wake up to get the kids ready and find a fresh pot of hot coffee just waiting for me. I think it is the sweetest thing. I try to text him nice things during the day, just so he knows that I am thinking about him and appreciate him. It’s not a huge gesture, but it works.
8. Sex is Important. I am not going to go into details here, but if you want a happy marriage you need to be having sex. Like… way more than you probably think you should be having. Men (most men) need sex. It is what makes them feel connected to you and secure in your relationship. Imagine if your husband never told you that you looked pretty, or always said he was too tired to give you a hug and kiss goodbye… well, that’s kind of how it feels to them when they don’t get any lovin’. I believe that sex is a big part of how couples stay connected. I could be wrong. Like I said before I am no expert… but give your hubs some love. And see what happens. 😉
9. Don’t forget to ‘check-in.’ Life is busy and crazy and sometimes you need to take a moment to really ‘check in’ with each other. I don’t mean talk about how your day is, I mean discuss how your LIFE is. Every few months, my husband and I will take a evening to ‘check in.’ We talk about our jobs, the kids, our finances, and our goals for the future. What are his future aspirations? What are mine? Where do we want to be in a year? What are we currently unhappy with and what can we do to change it? You need to remember to check in with each other to make sure you are on the same page with your family and your goals, and then you can work together to attain them.
10. Be thankful for your spouse. Remember this is the person you chose above ALL others to spend your life with! If you decided to have kids, this is the person you decided to have them with. The goal is to share your entire life with this one special person! That’s huge! Marriage is an amazing and beautiful thing. Make it a priority.
|Happy Anniversary, my love!!|