Do Siblings Have to Hate Each Other?

                                      

        
However, now that I have two kids… it is amazing to me how many people say things like:

I mean, A LOT of people make comments like this. Which makes me a little sad. I guess it is safe to assume siblings won’t always get along… but do they always have to hate each other while growing up?

I don’t have ANY expertise on this issue, obviously because I didn’t grow up with a sibling. But it just breaks my heart to think of my kids not getting along. I found some research on the issue of why siblings fight. There are plenty of reasons, but most studies found siblings arguments begin as a battle for their parents love and respect.

                              

Most studies say the biggest thing you can do as a parent is to never compare your children to one another (or to another child). We should know this, but it can slip out sometimes. In the past, when my son has been on a sports team, I have caught myself almost saying, “See how well so-and-so pays attention to the coach?” I can see how it would be EASY to throw a few harmless comparisons out there, especially to try and encourage good behavior.  But studies found these comments stick with children, so its better to leave them out altogether. Instead focus on what the child should be doing. (“You should work on listening to the coach, it will help you play better.”)

Other experts say kids learn how to handle conflict with each other by watching you and your spouse. So if their parents yell, say mean things to other, or ignore each other during an argument… then that is how they will treat their sibling when they are in a similar situation. 

Right now, Hudson makes up a lullabye each night to sing to his sister before bed. She runs into his room each morning and climbs on his bed to wake him up. They hug and kiss each other goodbye each day before Hudson goes to school or camp. They have little games they play together and funny noises they do to make each other laugh. When does that all end? And why?

I found a million articles about sibling rivalry and fighting. There are tons of suggestions out there to help you if your kids are battling it out with each other. But no clear cut way to prevent it from happening in the first place. 

I know I am supposed to expect them to argue and be mean to each other. But for now, I choose to live in ignorant bliss and hope that my kids are the exception. Maybe they are far enough apart in age that they wont feel the need to compete with each other. Maybe they will always have a mutual respect and love for each other. Maybe I live a fairy tale world full of unicorns and free wine. But a mom can dream.