My mom never worked. She made my Halloween costumes, never missed a school play, packed my school lunch everyday, and had dinner waiting each night. If I was sick, I could call home and she would be there within minutes.
When I met my husband, I was thrilled to discover that his mother had also stayed home and we agreed that this was the choice we would make for our family. Even if we had to struggle money-wise… we would live in a tiny apartment, share a car… do whatever it takes.
Fast forward to this morning. My 4 year old, Hudson, is screaming because the toothpaste won’t come out of the tube the way he wants it to. I waddle over to his bathroom (I am 8 months pregnant) and try to fix it as fast as I can… since I am already late for work. My husband is throwing clothes in the dryer since we forgot (again) to wash the VPK shirt that he is supposed to wear to school each day. We both forgot if we bought him school lunch, so we agree to pack one just in case. I realize I’m out of cheese, so I make him a jelly sandwich, since he goes to a ‘peanut-free’ school, and toss in some goldfish and a juice box. My husband and child rush out the door at 7:30, leaving me 10 minutes to get myself together, since I can’t walk in late AGAIN this week. As I grab my keys, I see the ‘just in case’ lunch was forgotten on the counter. (which I am actually thankful for, since I can only imagine what his teachers would think as they watched him eat his pathetic excuse for a sandwich)
Obviously, I am not a stay-at-home mom. I am currently living my plan-B. My husband and I both work full time jobs. He is a dietitian manager at a hospital and I am an executive producer at a local TV station. I have worked in TV since I graduated college, and have never stopped, except for the 2 months of maternity leave I took when I had my son. My plan was always to quit, but once I was ready to have a baby, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Not because I love working… I am NOT one of those people. It’s because my husband and I owned a tiny condo that we were upside down on and until we were settled I just didn’t feel comfortable leaving a good job. Once my son arrived, the ‘being okay with being poor’ plan my husband and I had always discussed, suddenly seemed like a very bad idea.
Now, my sweet son is 4 and I am about to have another, and I have no plans to quit my job. I still think about it sometimes, I would LOVE to be a stay-at-home mom… but right now I am happy with my job and the flexibility it allows me. I know stuff is just ‘stuff’, but I have too much anxiety issues to throw money worries in the mix. (Plus, I like my ‘stuff’) And while after 8 years of marriage I still love and adore my husband, it is nice to know that I could tell him to F-off if I wanted… and that I would be just fine on my own since I can take care of myself.
So here I am, trying to figure out the best way to do-it-all. And I’m not alone, millions of mommies are waking up to the same hectic life. But they probably have cheese in the fridge.
Your job of being an executive producer for a TV show sounds fascinating… I wouldn't quit my job if that's what I did too! 🙂 – Theresa, http://www.theresasreviews.com
Ha Thanks Theresa! It sounds more exciting than it is… but I think that goes for most jobs! 😉
My hubby and I both worked full time jobs for child 1 (I had around 8 mths parental leave), then he was able to be self-employed from home while I did the 9-5 for our 2nd and 3rd child and now I'm on parental leave for my 4th and resigned this time round. However, I resigned because the career pathway petered out where I was situated.
I'll be getting into the workforce again shortly (we have renovations to do and I'd like to be mortgage free as soon as possible). Having said that, I'm busy trying to create some means for a passive income for my family while I've got the chance to be at home. I'm hoping that will add another income stream for us that in around 2 years that will give our family some more options in terms of where and how we work or just some disposable income haha!
And no. We don't have cheese in the fridge either. And today we didn't even have bread! Whoops.
Yeah I still think about leaving sometimes… who knows, maybe one day I will! 😉 I'm sure you will find a way to bring in some extra money soon, and this time with your family I'm sure is priceless!
I want to be a career woman, so I appreciate this post. Currently, I'm a SAHM until both our kids are one, then I'm off to finally work some and get my Masters. It's not really about money for me, so different reasons for working, but I'm looking forward to the working mom life you write of–struggling to get out the door on time after making a jelly sandwich and racing to get ready in 10 minutes. Chaos is beauty. Great post!
Good luck getting your Masters! How exciting!
I have had this same struggle myself, though, due to certain circumstances, I ended up staying at home! I am one of those people who LOVES my job, so it was extra hard for me to leave! In the end, all we want is the best for our families, and regardless of the choice to stay at home or now, we are doing just that!
Yes, it is hard to know what is the 'right' thing… I always doubt myself (but isn't that what mommies do best?? lol) and my choices. I'm glad you found what works for your family!! 🙂
There is no one right way to do things. While I am a stay at home mom, I don't believe that that is what every single mom should do. You have to do what is right for your family. Loved reading this!
I totally agree. I was hard for me at first, since I had always thought I would stay home once I had kids. But now I am finally getting in the swing of things.. 5 years later! haha!
I was laughing so hard about the "pathetic" lunch. If it makes you feel any better, I am a stay at home mom, and I often do not have cheese in the fridge either. 🙂
That does make me feel better! Haha! Thanks for stopping by! 😉
Ah, I love this! I have always wanted to be a "plain" housewife ever since but like you, I kept my job long after I had kids. But I still long for the day when I can stay at home and wait for my husband by the door as he comes home from work. From the looks of it, it's gonna take some time for that to happen!
Me too! I just take one day at a time, you never know… maybe we will both be at home mommies before we know it! 😉
I stay at home, but once I'm done with school (going after my PhD so it's going to take a little while) I fully intend on working full time. I'd like to start working part time before that though, just to get out of the house. Ideally I want to eventually be a college professor. But we'll see what happens 🙂
What an amazing goal to have! You will make a great professor!
Isn't it funny how things rarely end up how we thought they would?! And it's almost always a good thing! 🙂
Yes, this is SO different than how I thought it would be once I had kids, but I def make the best of it!
Great, honest post about the life we plan before kids…and what ends up happening. I thought I'd be a working mom, but after having my daughter, I couldn't go back the long hours and the commute. So I freelance at home, which is the best and worst of both worlds. It's never easy. Although we do have cheese…thanks to Costco, which keeps us in a never-ending supply 🙂
I also know so many moms that said they would continue working but then ended up staying home. Things change so much when you have kids, I dont think there is a way to prepare a plan for it! 😉
Things don't always work out according to our plans … but some of the surprises along the way make it worth it in the end.
Yes, very good point! 😉
I so enjoyed your post and look forward to reading more of your blog! I've been a stay at home mom for 13 years now (minus three years I was a Kindergarten parapro when my youngest started school) and work a little from home doing payroll for my hubby's business. My boys are 12 and 14 and I often find myself wondering if I should go back to work. I despise the alarm clock and wearing anything other than yoga pants before 10 am, but am starting to think about finances, college and the future and… wondering if it's time I go back to work to bring home a little piece of bacon?! (I'm a dietitian by degree). Funny thing is, hubby doesn't want me to work! Maybe he's worried there will be a lack of cheese in the fridge if I do… 😛
Then again, they probably don't have cheese in the fridge 😉
It's hard to do so many things at once.
Lots of dads and moms would like to spend more time with their kids and they just can't. It's an unfortunate part of surviving in a world that is so expensive to live in at times. We have to find ways to spend less and enjoy life more.
Wow, thank you for your refreshing candor! Looking forward to reading more
TheModernTraditionalWoman.com
Ha! Always have a plan B. And seriously, being able to provide for yourself IF your marriage ever crumbles is yet another reason we are soul sisters. I was out of work for 8 months, but when the opportunity presented itself for me to go back and we wanted to buy a house, I felt selfish saying no. So here I am, a working mom and I probably always will be.