We host Easter at our house & this year we decided to something a little different with the Easter egg hunt. Since it is exhausting filling all those eggs with candy we decided to just put some cash and coins in a few, and leave the rest empty. Instead, we would have all the kids collect the eggs then turn them in for a big bag full of candy. On Easter morning my hubby ran out to get a few last minute items, and he came home with chocolate bunnies. A BIG bunny for the kid who got the most eggs, then slightly smaller chocolate bunnies for everyone else. (in addition to the bag full of candy) Seems like a great idea… right?
So the egg hunt was a hit (like usual). In the end, my nephew got the most eggs, 40! Hudson and my other nephew tied, with 39 each. The rest of the egg hunters got less, but it didn’t matter, everyone had a great time. Until we announced the winner. The adults all clapped and we gave my nephew his big bunny prize. Then we realized the other kids were crying. (except for one girl.. she was like “whatever.. I got candy anyway.. lets go back in the pool.” Love her.) My son pitched the biggest fit so I sent him to his room. We calmed down the rest of the kids and then I went to talk to him. He was wailing.
Really? Everyone should come in first? That’s when I realized at almost all the kids events we go to, and even in the sports teams he has played on, there really isn’t a first place anymore. It is more the ‘everyone gets a medal’ or ‘we are all winners’ mentality. Even at his school, during field day the kids don’t win or lose. The only time there is actually a ‘winner’ is when they play the teachers at tug-of-war. And guess who always wins?
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| Pre-breakdown |
This whole non-winner movement is really, really annoying. I think many parents are with me on this one. I lost growing up. A lot. I sucked at sports. (still do) I would always want to try the same activities my friends were doing, and then once I realized how bad I was, it was too late, since my mom wouldn’t let me quit. So I got used to being the worst person on the softball team, AND the soccer team, AND the track team. When I was younger it was hard, especially since I had super athletic neighbors, who were really good at sports.
But in 4th grade I joined the debate team and I was REALLY good at it. And I knew I was good at it because I would WIN debates. See with a debate, not everyone can win. Kind of defeats the purpose. I didn’t win them all, but when I did I felt a sense of accomplishment. I worked hard for that win & I deserved it.
I am worried my son isn’t learning these lessons, since he ALWAYS wins. And I had proof of that this weekend, watching a chocolate bunny send him over the edge. I was disappointed (& embarrassed) with his reaction, but I didn’t immediately know what to do. At that moment, I simply told him he can’t always win, and that he should be happy for his cousin. Then I told him he could sit in his room and cry or go congratulate his cousin and continue playing. (during those forced congratulations, my son also tried to convince his cousin to split the big bunny with him, since they were so close) On Monday, I had a talk with him about winning & losing and why not everyone can come in 1st. He said he understood, but I guess only time will tell.
What do you think? Is an ‘everyone wins’ mentality making our kids losers?
Oh my gosh, yes! My daughter is only 1, so we haven't faced this head on yet, but this "everybody wins" movement really bothers me. No one likes to see their child sad or disappointed, but guess what? That's life. In childhood, you are meant to be life learning lessons like compromise, sharing, patience, disappointment, and even how to be a "good loser". You will not always win in life. You won't always get the job, promotion, the date, etc, but we have to know how to take it with a smile, be happy for someone else's victory, and move on. By allowing our kids to always win, we're robbing them of a very important life lesson.
It's so hard to watch! At every sporting event my husband and I cringe when 'everyone wins'! I saw firsthand this weekend how it is affecting my son. 🙁
everyone wins isn't real life PEOPLE! we totally need to teach our kids that early!
I know! It was so different when I was growing up. Losing was totally fine. (& expected!)
We are here at this point with my kids. They are 4 years apart and the oldest always wins!! We are trying to teach the whole everyone gets a turn and lets be good sports when it comes to winning and loosing. Thank you for sharing this post!
I can see how that would be hard on the younger child!! Thanks for taking the time to comment! 🙂
WOW! I LUV this post!!! It is so true…you can't win ALL THE TIME! An…that IS LIFE! I mean, I get why people want all the kids to get an "A" for effort, but I agree, there is a great lesson in winning and losing… I wonder at what point we'll start dealing with this with my boys…they are so close in age and are destined to be competitive with the genes they've inevitably gotten from their oh so "driven" parents…fun times ahead! ha
I was surprised about what a hard time I had explaining it to him, since he is only 5 and up until this point. everything he has done (as far as sports teams & school stuff) he has always 'won'… along with everyone else.
Spot on Lauren. I face this dilemma with my boys a lot. Additionally I hear "that's not fair" quite often. I've just started telling them life isn't fair always and suck it up! I fear we are creating a society of entitled brats that will never feel a true sense of accomplishment. How can someone enjoy a win if everyone always wins?
Hi Elizabeth!! 🙂 Yes, I think kids are coddled way too much these days, and I don't think it is helping them at all! Thanks for stopping by my blog!!
Great article. I absolutely hate the everyone wins mentality. My son won't be playing competitive sports until next year, but we are always playing games around the house and I make sure he knows how to win and lose. Sometimes when he cries when he loses, but that's fine with me because there's nothing wrong with being competitive. He's only 3 now, but when he's older I hope he continues having the will to win, but learning how to lose is very important. Even at his young age, he knows you can't win every single time and you can't be the best at everything. I feel like some of his peers don't understand that and may not learn for a long time.
Ben
Thanks Ben! We reinforce the fact that not everyone wins at home, but then at school they are SO careful about letting ALL the kids win. All. The. Time. It's annoying! Thanks for stopping by & taking the time to leave a comment!