My daughter clawed onto me, begging me not to go. I unfurled her fingers from my hair and handed her off. My daughter screamed and wailed… tears streaming down her beet red face. Then I just turned around and left. I could hear her cries as I walked away, right out of the daycare center.
Sounds pretty dramatic right? Well, when your kid hates daycare you essentially feel like you are abandoning your child each day in a evil world of torture and sadness. That is, until you get a text message from her daycare teacher 5 minutes later, showing your happy child hugging friends, dancing outside and making play-doh.
As a working mom of two, I have had my fair share of experience with daycare. I think daycare is wonderful for a number of reasons. They learn so much from other kids along with life lessons like sharing, working in groups and more.
However, daycare isn’t all rainbows and puppies. Both my kids went through phases where they absolutely hated daycare and it was torturous for me. There is nothing worse than dropping off a crying child, however I do have a few tips and tricks to help you get through it.
What to Do When Your Kids Hates Daycare
1. Schedule a Meeting with Teachers
Childcare teachers have seen it all and are a great place to start when your kid is hating daycare. Schedule a one-on-one meeting to try and find out what is going on. Does your child cry all day or just during drop off? Is there a certain time of day that makes them upset? Was there a change in the classroom routine?
This gives you an opportunity to hear what your child’s teacher thinks is happening, while sharing what you have been experiencing. Usually, the teacher will work with you to try and narrow down the issues and come up with solutions. Working together will only benefit your child.
2. Try to Find Ways to Make Their Day Special
If your child is having a tough time, maybe leave a special treat in his lunch. Let your daughter select her own outfit for school, even if it doesn’t match. Let them select a special new blanket for nap time. Create a reward system for successful days.
3. Be Firm
Sometimes you are just going to have to walk away and leave a screaming child. It sucks. But I have learned that dragging it out is even worse. The longer you linger, the more hope you give your child that you may just decide to take them back home. You have to be firm and keep your emotions in check.
The story I opened this post with is a true one. My daughter majorly hated daycare when she moved up to the 3 year old class. Each morning, I would remind her of the rules and stick to my guns. No matter how upset she was I would keep the goodbyes short.
Once, after they had walked her into the class and I could still hear her crying… I burst out in tears myself while leaving. (passing horrified parents on the way) The school actually called me on my cell phone to see if I was okay and my daughter’s teacher sent me a picture of her smiling with friends.
4. Check In
Teachers are super accessible these days. I was able to email and text with my both my kids daycare teachers. My son is no longer in daycare, but I can easily check-in to see how my daughter is doing. If your child is having a rough go, maybe ask the teacher for more frequent updates to help ease your stress.
5. Know This Will Pass
Children go through many different phases, and before you know it, they will be happy and excited to go to daycare. Really. It will happen. I know it is hard to see the light when you are dropping off a crying child every day, but it does get better. Just stay strong, stick to a routine and continue constant communication with daycare employees. In the meantime, it is okay to cry in your car on the way to work, we have all done it. 😉
I do want to add one note: If you get a ‘bad’ feeling from your child’s daycare or are not happy with the communication, please go with your gut. If you ever have doubts about where you are leaving your child each day, it is time to find a new daycare.
Aw! My son has, for the most part, been great with drop-offs. I love the idea of scheduling a meeting to see if anything can help a child adjust!
You are lucky! My kids go through phases. Sometimes they will be happy as can be and then BOOM once minor change and they freak out. Ugh!
I feel you!! It’s the worst. I had the same experience with my daughter’s day care. She actually didn’t have a problem until she moved up into the 1 year old room. It super stressful to have her cling to me and then watch her cry from the window. Not only was that upsetting, but it seemed all the other kids were upset too. After speaking to the director, they did make some changes, and it did get better. However, I decided that she needed to be in a different school and eventually moved her. Happy to say she never cries like that anymore and really like it at her new day care.
Yes sometimes you just need to go with your gut. I ended up moving my son out of a daycare and he was much happier once he moved. My daughter either loves it or hates it and it changes daily! ha!
Daycare drop offs for me could go either way. Some days both my boys love going to school and other days I feel like I’m about to pull out my hair.
These are such important tips, especially nowadays when so many moms work both in and outside of the home. I never had to put my kids in daycare and only started in Preschool but I might have to take that route with this third baby. Thanks for the tips!
Hey!!!even i go through this not everyday but yes some days especially when there is an urgent meeting lined up and i cannot take a leave then he brings out his trump card and i am a feeling disgusted as to why today 🙂
But then if i be firm and leave him he is all fine 🙂 Amazing tips Thanks for sharing 🙂
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Some great tips here… My son did very well at drop offs until he started a new preschool when he was four, and then it got tricky. I definitely tried to employ some of these tactics while helping him feel more secure being left at his new daytime environment.
Really awesome tips! I love the one about making their day special, works wonders 🙂
Ohhhh I can relate to this post so much. Its the worst!!!! We didn’t do daycare but this scenario presented itself on occasion in preschool. Great tips!! Glad I found your blog. XO
It really helped when you said that it would help the child love the daycare if I make special lunches as a reward for him. I will keep this in mind if ever my child doesn’t behave well in the daycare. This will be our first time to send our child to such a facility, so we are kind of anxious if he doesn’t cooperate because he is kind of stubborn most of the time. Thanks!
My son definitely goes through phases where he will like daycare for a good couple months then back to crying and clawing to go back home. The issue now is that he won’t let me get him dressed or in a clean diaper without some real struggles because he knows he is going to school. Today, I told him we can go to the store first, which helped, but I don’t want to do that every day. Any suggestions on getting him ready? I try to let him pick his clothes but even then, it doesn’t guarantee he will put them on without a fight.
this is my exact problem with my 4 year old son! its so frustrating and i am now 6 months pregnant with our second child which is making it a lot harder to get him ready in the morning.
This is my issue too! My 3 year old refuses to get ready. I don’t have issues dropping him off at daycare…it’s the getting him ready in the morning and getting out the door. He is very stubborn and I have tried everything.
When I was 8 and 10 I was assaulted by two different boys at two different daycares. I didn’t tell my parents and the “childcare” workers never checked on my well-being, stepped in, told my parents, or did anything whatsoever to acknowledge that I had been hurt.
Specifically the two instances were a boy who was a lot stronger than me threw me against the brick wall of the daycare and my head smashed against the wall. I know enough now to know that I had a concussion. I saw stars and got a weird taste in my mouth.
The second instance was a few years later at a different daycare and a boy didn’t like that I had interfered in a game of monkey in the middle, so he put me in a choke hold until my vision started to close in. I didn’t fully black out but that is just luck.
I never told my parents about the specific instances, but I begged them ceaselessly to let me stay home on my own.
Protect your children. Quit work. Don’t ever let a stranger watch your kids. They do not care about your child or you.