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I have always wondered what teachers *REALLY* want to say to parents, but can’t. I get the impression they are worried to tell parents the truth, since these days some moms & dads are quick to blame the teacher for problems with their children. I have had a lot of conferences with my son’s teacher this year (that’s a post for another day…) and I know I found myself wondering if she is holding back.
So I decided to email all the teachers that I knew. I asked them what they wished they could tell parents, if they were able to speak to them honestly…. without any repercussions. Originally, I thought this would be a funny, sarcastic type post. (like ‘Tell parents they aren’t always right’ and suggestions like that) However, I quickly realized that would not be the case.
A lot of teachers took the time to write me back. And these were not one or two sentence suggestions. They wrote me long, detailed letters full of everything they see happening with kids today. Some even wrote follow- up emails after thinking about issues they had forgot to mention.
Some of these teachers work in low-income communities, others in more affluent areas. I also spoke to teachers who work at charter and private schools. What I found was interesting is almost all the teachers told me basically the same things.
Here are 5 things that ALL the teachers I emailed mentioned in some way or another.
- Read with your child everyday: Teachers tell me they know right away which kids read with their parents each night, and which ones don’t. Students who read often when they are young, end up doing better in school overall and it carries through to when they are older.
- Pay attention: Teachers say parents really need to do a better job in paying attention to what is going on with their kids class. Most of them say they try to make it as easy as possible for you to stay in the loop. Some do an email blast each week, other send home weekly or monthly calendars. Others say they send a sheet home each day to make sure parents know what is going on. Despite all this, teachers say most parents don’t even read those planners, and your children suffer because of it. Kids will say they didn’t know they had a test, or they forgot to do their class project, even though reminders (sometimes more than one) were sent home.
- Give your kids real world experiences: You would think this is a given, but almost EVERY teacher said this! Teachers say they are shocked by how many kids have never been to the library, or the zoo, or bowling. They tell me this becomes obvious since children can’t answer thinking questions on certain tests that have to do with real-life experience. Most kids say they spend free time playing video games and watching TV.
- Know your kids strengths: Every child has things they are good at, and things they may struggle with. Teachers gave me examples of students who may not be the brightest when it comes to school work, but that they have parents who worked with them to find OTHER skills that they are really good at, and nurture that skill. Maybe they are really good at art, or a particular sport. They say when that happens, the kids are more confident overall, so they continue to work hard in the areas they aren’t as good at. Try to pay attention to the things your kids really love doing.
- Take a GENUINE interest in your children: This is the one that really broke my heart and made me take a hard look at myself and how I parent my children. Every single teacher said this in some form or fashion. They said it seems like many parents don’t REALLY talk to their kids. Rich or poor, they say they can tell which parents really take time and really focus on their kids. One teacher even told me that after she asked students to speak with their parents that night about the vocabulary words they learned, a student actually said, “My mom doesn’t have time for that, she’s always talking on the phone.”
Reading all these responses from teacher was a great reminder to me, just how important it is to be PRESENT when you are with your kids. Pay attention to what they enjoy and make their schoolwork a priority. Teachers have such a short amount of time to give your children all the skills they need, so you HAVE to help. I know I need to work on #2 and #4. I learned a lot, and have made some major changes to make sure I am more proactive in Hudson’s schooling.
A big THANK YOU to all my teacher friends who took the time to respond… and for being so honest & open!
Related posts:
6 Life Lessons I’ve Learned from My (almost) 6 Year Old
Dinner Time Questions to Get Kids Talking
Promises to My 1st Grader
Working Mom Hacks to Get More Time with Your Kids
Wow great suggestions and these feel super authentic because of the survey you took from actual teachers in the schools today. Well done. I'd love it if you'd link up to my Motivating Monday Link-Up and I'll tweet it out! Thanks!
I was so thankful that they all took the time to write me back… most I was friends with so they kind of had to, but then they gave me the names of others to contact as well. Everyone was so receptive!
I loved that you did this!! Because you always wonder what you could do, or could have done to prepare your children better. And these tips aren't something that costs money, they cost only time. Great post!
I know! And I was surprised that they all said basically the same things, just worded differently
What a great idea emailing those teachers! So much valuable information. Thanks for sharing!
I learned a lot.. I am so guilty of some of this stuff.. it was a wake up call for sure! I hope you are having a great week!
I love this post! I used to be an elementary school teacher so I completely agree with all of these ideas. Reading is such a simple way to spend time with your kids and also improve their vocabulary/sight word recognition/etc. So smart of you to get the input of your teacher friends. Going to share this on my FB page!
Thanks Melissa! I can totally see you as a teacher, you seem like the sweet, patient teacher type!!
My Mom is a retired teacher of 32 years and I shared this post with her. She couldn't agree more!
That's awesome! Yeah I am glad I emailed everyone since I would have never guessed some of these things were a concern they had!
I was an elementary school teacher before becoming a stay at home mom and I agree with everyone of these ideas. I especially like number 1. Reading with your kids every night helps with so much. It's also a built in way to bond with your child. I also would like to add that teachers would like parents to know that we are partners. It's the best when teachers and parents can work together to help children reach their potential.
Yup, every teacher said parents don't understand just how important reading is! I hope you are having a wonderful week.. we are halfway through! 🙂
That was really great and interesting advice. Thank you for gathering all of this wisdom. I would also like to say thanks to all the teachers who wrote to you and shared this valuable feedback!
I know, it was so nice of them! I was surprised I got such long, detailed responses! (and thankful too!)
Ooh, this is an important post and good reminders for even the new moms like me. Thanks for sharing it and I'm going to pick a book to read to my LO tonight (even if he is just one year old). 🙂
They say the younger the better.. esp with babies its good to read since they are learning what different words sound like. 🙂 (and I'm sure your little guy just loves hearing your voice anyway!!)
These are wonderful suggestions. My kiddo is not in school yet (we homeschool preschool), but my teacher friends have also said that they can tell which children's parents read to them and which don't. We can all squeeze in 20 minutes a day for some reading time!
Its easy to forget, esp with my son who is in first grade, since he just wants to play up until bedtime.. but I have really been trying to keep out routine of reading two books a night. (but now he has to read one of them.. and I read the other) Have a wonderful week!! 🙂
this was great great information. all… sort of common sense that sometimes just doesn't occur to some parents. i love that you did this!
Right, it seems simple enough.. but when I thought about it, I haven't taken my kids to anyplace exciting lately but the park… I used to try and find fun stuff to do with them, but I have been slacking so it was a wake up call for sure!
Wow, wonderful information you shared here. As a former early childhood educator, I found myself nodding along with all of these.
Thanks so much for sharing.
xoxo
I should have emailed you for this one! 😉
It's hard to believe but I spent 20 years as an early childhood educator and your points were things not only that I agreed with but things that my colleagues expressed. Especially the real world experiences… we could clearly see the difference between children who were "sheltered" and children who had the opportunity to test all sorts of experiences.
Thanks for sharing and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop.
Wishing you a lovely day.
xoxo
I like these. I do read to my kids daily because I LOVE to read and I hope they love to read as well.
I try to limit my phone time when I'm around them. My daughter will take it away if she feels I'm on it too much though.
hahaha that is pretty funny! Hudson is like "Mom… put down your phone, I know you are texting" (he thinks that is all I do on my phone, text!)
I'm sure teachers encounter so many heartbreaking situations. Thanks for sharing this!
I know, can you imagine! Some of them did have some pretty sad stories that they shared with me…
Wow, I love this post! I need to work on real-world experiences. It's been absolutely frigid here, and we've been holing up and watching TV way more than we should, because I haven't wanted to leave the house! But I hate all the screen time going on here. After reading this I'm inspired to take the kids to the library right away 🙂
I know,.. I live in South Florida so I don't have any excuses, but I realized I have been slacking with that stuff too… especially with Mila (poor second child…) 😉
This was really helpful. Since we're so new to the "back to school" game, I sometimes feel a little inept and not "with it" when communicating with the boys' teachers. Thanks for this and what an awesome idea to bridge the gap!
Trust me, I am horrible at communicating with my son's teacher.. poor guy! ha! Have a wonderful week and thanks for stopping by! 😉
Number 5 is heart breaking! I am really trying to work harder on my communication with teachers this year. Times 3 kids in school this is tricky, but it's worth it if I know what is going on in the classroom.
I know! I was really surprised with how sad many of the answers were!
Oh so true. My mom was a teacher for 25 years I got to hear and see a lot. Great insights.
You must have learned so much from her! Thats awesome!
I loved this idea and how you executed.I feel bad for working parents that don't get home until late and can't spend enough time with their kids. Sigh….it's a tough balance. Wonderful advice.
That is us!! We end up arguing with our son at 7pm since he didn't do his homework correctly at aftercare.. and by then it is so late he is just too tired! It is getting really exhausting.. for all of us! 🙁
What a wonderful post! The feedback you received from the teachers is very helpful. Definitely good reminders for all of us, parents.
I know, I def learned a lot reading what they had to say! Thanks for stopping by! 🙂
#2 is why I refuse to be room mom. Uh, the deadline for turning in the money for the teacher gift was last week, didn't you read my 3 e-mails!!!
And as a Parent Helper in the class, I can tell which kids read every night and which don't. One mom asked what I did to teach my son to read so well and I had to tactfully suggest that maybe the reading be done before the tv is turned on…
Yes, the room moms must ALL hate me! I am always late with stuff like that! hahaha!!! #fired 😉
Such great suggestions, and as a mom and a teacher myself, these are accurate from almost every educator's point of view. We all support parents, but what we love most is their support of us as well. We have the same common interest after all–the well-being of their child. Thanks so much for post this!
Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment! Have a wonderful weekend! 🙂
Oh wow! In some ways that's hard to read because I know I'm not always doing a good job at those things. I'm working on getting off my phone and tablet when the kids need me. I am ashamed at how often they had to work to get my attention.
I felt the same way, I never read all the papers that come home… and I have been slacking in the real world experiences department, esp with my second. I just tend to head out to the park since its the easiest thing… I've gotten lazy there. It was a def wakeup call! 🙂
This is GREAT… Great list Lauren. 🙂 It's hard to get everything in with your loved one–but you are right. Reading with your kiddo is so important.
I am pretty good with that one.. but everything else here I am def slacking on!! 🙂 Have a great weekend!
Ok, I loved this post…but I'm SHOCKED!
Seriously, this list seems almost bizarre to me. I think it's because of #3 Real World Experiences. I mean, ok, I'm a father of 12 and grandfather…but I'm STILL doing all this stuff, and my baby boy is only 9 weeks old. I adore my children, which is why #5–Take a GENUINE interest in your child is…well, part of who I am. It sounds like that's part of who most of your community here is (which is awesome).
By taking that interest in our children, you are more apt to give them the real world experiences. It's essential to a healthy independent mind and heart (IMO).
Great post Lauren. It was nice to visit =)
It does seem obvious, but I can totally relate to so much of it. I love and adore my kids, but I am also really busy… and I like to *think* I make them the priority.. but this list made me really take a closer look!
Thanks for stopping by and for taking the time to comment!! Have a wonderful weekend!
This is so interesting, and a great reminder for all parents! Thanks for sharing at Pin-Worthy Wednesday.
Thanks for stopping by! Have a wonderful week! 🙂
Great post! They're all essentially saying the same thing: get involved with your kids! I homeschool, but this was still a good reminder for me.
Yes you are right! I bet it is so different homeschooling, my son would love that!
As a school nurse I see these things too….some are such simple steps parents can take!
I know, but they are difficult sometimes.. I never know what is going on in his class! There is just SO many papers to go through and it is late when I get home… haha.. but I'm working on it!!
What an interesting post! School is still a ways off for my little one, but it's something that I think about already as I want her to excel. I have known several teachers and they've said a lot of the same things as well.
Thank you so much for sharing with us at #MommyMeetupMondays!
Yes what a fun blog hop! Thanks for stopping by!
These are all great points. However, I'm not sure why teachers would find it difficult to discuss these issues with parents. I am a former school social worker and have always been baffled as to why it's so hard for parents and teachers to communicate openly. Some parents aren't even aware that they should be doing these things or that they have significant benefit to their child's educational growth. Of course there is always outliers,but the majority of parents want their children to do well in school. Everyone is so concerned with hurting feelings and being politically correct. However, in the end it's the child that misses out. Great post!
Found your article on Manic Monday Blog Hop!
Right!! I have the hardest time communicating with my son's teacher.. it is causing all of us constant stress! Thanks for stopping over and have a wonderful week!!
I substitute teach (just a couple of times per month) at my kids' school just to stay involved.
That is a great idea! I try to volunteer for school parties when I can.. thanks for stopping by!
Great post. It's good to be reminded by a vested, involved 3rd party (such as teachers) that see a trend in the way our children our being raised, and that we as parents connect.
yes I am def guilty of doing some of these things, and seeing all the teachers write back with the same things was a big eye opener!! Have a great week!
As a teacher I completely agree with these statements. When I was a middle school teacher, I didn't stop much to think about some of these because by then, most kids had had a lot of these experiences, even if it wasn't because their parents did it with them. But now that I'm in 4th and 5th, I am simply blown away by kids whose parents don't do things with them and don't teach them new things. It becomes even more apparent when they are next to a kid whose parents are very involved and pay attention. The society we live in just doesn't pay attention and it's so sad.
Even teachers get swept up into the loop of oblivion. This stands out when I say something that I know about a student ( something personal, where they live, etc) and another teacher has no clue and is amazed that I know these things. I pay attention! And I talk to kids! It's so important!!
yes it was a major wakeup call for me, as a working mom… I am guilty of many of these things! Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment! 🙂 Have a great week!
Love! Love! Love this list! Thank you for taking the time to research this super important topic. I have pinned to the Bloggers Brags Pinterest Board.
Thank you! I was really pleased with the responses I got from teachers.. I learned so much! Have a great week!
I am a Kindergarten teacher and I absolutely LOVE my job! You have a great list! I agree with showing a genuine interest in your child. I feel as though sometimes parents don't take the time to encourage, interact and be supportive of their child. Thank you for posting!
Yes I had to take a very close look at myself after reading the teacher's emails.. it was an eye-opener! Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment! 🙂
I teach 6th grade and all of these still hold true!!!
Yikes! Really? Right now I can barely keep up with my son in 1st grade.. I can only imagine middle school! 🙂 I hope you are having a fantastic week and thank you for stopping by!
This is very informative! Thank you!
And thank you for stopping by!! I hope you are having a great week!
These are GREAT tips. And if you think about it, really common sense, but I guess it just goes to show you how we're falling short in our parenting sometimes. :-/
Totally common sense, but then I was thinking.. gosh.. I havent even taken Mila to the zoo yet and she is almost 2!! I def slack in the 'knowing whats going on' dept too.. its just that SOOO many papers come home! lol
Congratulations! Your post has been featured at BrandNewMomBlog.com Pinterest Party! http://bit.ly/18jYIIA
awesome!! I am just NOW seeing this.. I am so excited about it!!! 🙂
It is a great reminder – thank you! #3 is a great tip to think about!
I know! But I can see how it is easy to do.. I just took my second child to the zoo for the first time and she is two! 🙂 Thanks for commenting and have a great week!
This is a rare parenting post where I could tick mark all tips saying yes I do em all! Made my morning! Pinning & tweeting it 🙂
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They should make a list for what parents don't like about teachers.
Thanks for sharing this! It gave me a boost of confidence on the things we are doing well, and gives us some pointers on how to be better. Food for thought! I'm going to go read to my kids now:)
I know.. I amped up nightly reading after getting all these responses as well! 😉 Have a great week and thanks for taking the time to comment.
I am having a hard time as I have to start my first child in kindergarten this fall. I am worried about her being bullied by kids or not liked by her teacher. Not because I foresee any problems with her, but because I want them to see her as I do. Appreciating her imaginative, sweet, happy self. Another great article to help your kids: https://parentarizona.com/improving-your-childs-behavior-at-school/
I will say too, that the reading helps them learn about the different real world experiences for families that can't afford them. We take the kids to the park often but other outings cost money. While lately we have been able to afford them a little more, it was a while before my kids first trip to the zoo.
That is a great point! I also try to look up free events in community calendars, esp cultural fairs! 🙂 have a great week!
I couldn't agree more! Thank you for sharing.
As a home-educator I agree that a parent's involvement is essential to their child's success. I don't share a lot of my peers' views that teachers are apathetic and schools institutionalize the students. I am offended because I know plenty of wonderful teachers. We had foster children and while at first I struggled to get my son's teacher to even return a call from me when she realized that we were invested in his education she was a huge help in dealing with some issues.
But I felt sympathetic regarding #3. It is easy to rush to judgment, but my mom was a single mother. Most of the time she worked 10-12 hour days with an hour commute both ways. On Saturdays if she wasn't going into the office, she would race around the house cleaning to get done by 9 and then we ran errands so we could be home by 2. Sunday mornings and evenings we would be at church where she would be involved in my discipleship training. Unless it was church or a field trip I didn't go to the zoo, museum, symphony, library or bowling until after she remarried when I was a teenager and didn't have to work so much. Most of my childhood was reading or watching television because we had neither time or money. That is why as a mom we choose to restructure our lives to give our child as many experiences as possible. But I will not compare how my mother reared me to how I rear my own child because our circumstances are different and I know that while some parents may choose not to be involved other parents wish they could do more.
My mom is a 1st grade teacher and I know she would be yelling YESSSSS to this article. I love your blog by the way, I am a working mom ( well going back to work in 2 days) I'm still trying to figure out the working out and cooking part. I just started blogging, I guess I just wanted a place to document my journey. If you get a chance I would love for you to check it out. I could use guidance from an seasoned blogger. http://www.themoderatemommy.com
I am just now seeing this… Thanks for stopping by and I will go check out your blog right now! 🙂
I am a homeschooling parent with a fairly large family according to today's standards. In our home we find it extra important to have one on one time with our children. So, as much as possible, each week, my husband and I, separately, take one child out just for coffee or sometimes for a meal, but always for at least a few hours or sometimes a whole day's outing. This gives them the ability to speak their mind and feel heard. What a difference it made when we started doing this. Our children have really blossomed and grown confident. No one would ever guess that they have learning issues. They are self confident and love to be out in the community. It seems that our world is just so busy…doing…that we forget how important our future generations are. We feel that it takes more than just being a good parent…it takes good people around them to help raise children to be all they can be.
I think that is such a great idea… I need to plan more one on one time with my kids! Thanks for stopping by and have a wonderful week! 🙂
Great post! I have several friends and family members who are teachers and often think about/hear how frustrating or how difficult to communicate it can be in that teacher-child-parent relationship. I will also say I think that a lot of teachers, especially with lower-income schools/families, who try to provide an organized, rule-enforced environment are often met with unsupportive or defensive parents, which can make teaching and trying to set a good example that much harder, too.
You know what, we read to our son every night when he was little. He knew every letter of the alphabet before he could even talk. At daycare they would always say oh my gosh if we ask him to point to s letter he knows exactly which one to point to. Now that same child is 9 and has been struggling in school since grade 1. He has Add and SPD. Reading is very difficult for him not because he can't read it , he can but he struggles to process the words. He doesn't do well with loud noises or too much movement going on around him, the only grade 3 classes our school has are quads. Can you imagine his frustration? So any teacher I would imagine looks at our child and can say oh his parents didn't read to him enough etc etc. But we did he is our last child the only one left at home he gets our undivided attention. Always has and we are doing everything we can that is within our reach to help this poor child of ours. Last year he literally got no work done at school because his teacher was more content to teach the kids that could learn easily and was content to let ours go to the resource room and do whatever. We have paid for private testing (through a physcologist)cause we knew something wasn't right and then we presented it to the school who have been very good to work with us to find solutions to help our child.We have been to numerous counselling and programs through Madame Vanier and Merrymount. We are going to see a child psychiatrist very shortly to get even more help. We even tried a summer camp for kids with Add etc. and he didn't do well there either, made 2.5 of the 4 weeks. It's getting to the point that I feel like homeschool would be a better option but I don't have teaching qualifications.
I am a homeschooling mom of 5 children and first off will tell you that homeschooling is not for all parents. I have home schooled my children from the very beginning. I know parents who couldn't be disciplined enough to do their children justice and then I know other parents who did amazingly in teaching their children that had learning issues. It changes your world and who you are, in my case for the good. I treasure my children and love being with them almost 24/7. But there are bad days too. To homeschool you need to be organized, disciplined and lined up with a good school that has acredited teachers to help you along the way. If you can find a school where your child will get the help they need, that is a great option too. But only you as parents can make that decision, knowing what is best for your child.
These are wonderful ideas. I didn’t get to answer your original question (because you don’t know me), but as someone who taught for 6 years in public middle schools, I agree with ALL of these. And I love that the teachers were all so sincere and not sarcastic. Sometime we get a bit jaded by the challenges of teaching, but most teachers REALLY want to make a difference in the lives of the kids they teach. Thanks for sharing such a well-researched, thoughtful post. 🙂
Amen,,,,, I’m a middle school teacher and I wish I could shout these from the roof tops! They are wonderful ideas and you hit the nail on the head love !
I really enjoyed this post and a huge reminder to me to read with my kids more often as I feel that could be done better.